


tears as a sign of strength

by RatonLaveur



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Established Relationship, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 06:09:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19388104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatonLaveur/pseuds/RatonLaveur
Summary: "Technically, you are right. In the grand scheme of things, nothing really matters." Valery started moving his thumb in small, slow circles on the other's back in an attempt to comfort Boris. "But what we did here will forever be important. They can't erase us completely."





	tears as a sign of strength

**Author's Note:**

> its 3 am dont hate me pls?  
> also yea, this one doesn't have major char death, who am i the world is on fire

Boris had a face of strength.

At first, his facial features appeared cold, then trustworthy, and if you got close enough, they became tender. So tender. Sensitive, in a way. The softness was hidden deep under the wrapping made of power and dedication, but it was there.

Valery knew it. He saw it many times during their damned days in a radioactive zone, trying to save lives while sacrificing theirs. Besides the godly act of protecting innocent citizens, this was the only thing that made those dark days filled with despair worth it. If it meant he got to see the emotional side of Boris, Valery would happily put his life in danger a million times.

Yet the sight he came upon during one of the painfully silent nights during which they drowned in vodka shocked him.

He saw the stars in the eyes of Boris. A whole universe trapped in those eyes that usually hid the true feelings behind a mask of professionality. It took Valery a while, but finally he realised that what he saw wasn't the universe in its infinite beauty - it was tears. Droplets of salty water, at first shyly sitting in the corners of Boris' eyes, then giving up completely and running down his face without control. Boris tried to wipe them away, to hide them from the world, but more kept coming and they weren't to be stopped.

Valery was looking at the face he considered the embodiment of strength, his anchor in the craziness of actual events. The face he silently and secretly turned to for protection whenever he didn't know what to do. His body was frozen for long seconds, then it moved as if on its own and before he knew it, he was holding Boris in his arms, pulling him close - not trying to stop the tears, just  _ being there _ .

There is definitely strength in tears. The power of emotions, the definition of being human. The last proof of humanity in this cold, detached world.

Tears mean more than words. 

And the silence wasn't overwhelming for once. It was a moment of unspecified, but deep emotions and mutual understanding. This magical silence was broken by Boris himself.

"I'm sorry."

"No need."

They were speaking quietly, almost whispering, following the atmosphere of the moment. 

"I don't want to show you this side of me."

"I want to see it."

"I'm supposed to be strong."

"You are."

Valery didn't want to ask questions, fearing it would break the intensity of the moment. Still, he tried to substitute the sadness Boris gave out through his tears with warmer feelings.

"Don't hide your tears. Let them flow."

"I can't show this to many people, you know. To anyone, in fact. You are the first person seeing me cry since I was a child."

"Then I'll keep this moment forever in my heart."

More silence came through and Boris seemed to relax more in Valery's arms, his tears falling on both of their suits silently. Able to feel the comfort of the other, Valery felt warm. So warm. And it was a different warmth than the one coming with the illness he was slowly accepting as his fate. This one was natural, coming from his chest and spreading through his entire body. No sickness, just hope. Strength. Love.

"Since I started getting older, I've been thinking about death. Trying to imagine it. The process, if anything comes after. Trying to come to terms with it, it's a part of life, after all. But even the toughest of villains tremble before death. It's inevitable. It's normal and happens to everyone. Still, it's rather overwhelming. And now… If what you told me is true - and I do trust you - death is going to come sooner than expected. It's near, I can feel it."

The warmth in Valery's body turned into coldness for a bit, as he felt the chills run down his spine only thinking about it. The future, the inevitable. His own death didn't poison his thoughts too often, it was to be expected. Losing a loved one, however, was a much scarier thing to imagine. He wanted to say something, but couldn't come up with anything that would sum up his thoughts - and Boris continued.

"It feels like my life was just a quick dream. Trying to do everything right, live up to expectations. As if nothing of that really matters in the end.  _ I  _ don't really matter. I was nothing but a replaceable member of society, another role in the enormous play who goes when his time comes. I didn't achieve anything of such importance. Nothing matters."

Valery took his time to answer, letting the previous words resonate through the room. They sat down on the furniture, the floor and both of their bodies just like the radioactive dust had been doing for weeks. Neither of them were to be seen; but the words were to be felt.

"Technically, you are right. In the grand scheme of things, nothing really matters." Valery started moving his thumb in small, slow circles on the other's back in an attempt to comfort Boris. "But what we did here will forever be important. They can't erase us completely."

Boris let out a soft sigh, almost inaudible. His tears already dried out, but he didn't change his position, remaining curled up in Valery's arms. Even the one who usually commands, fights, protects needs protection at times. 

And Valery was more than happy to give it to him; to die protecting him, if it was needed.

"I stated our actions as an obvious, visible legacy. Something that will make sure you matter for a long long time. But there is one more thing. Maybe less important to the rest of the population, but incredibly important to me." Valery was feeling the warmth once again, focusing his eyes on a piece of the suit in front of them. His sight was getting blurry with exhaustion, but he was fighting sleep to feel alive for a bit more. "You made me feel emotions I thought I had forgotten a long time ago. Happiness. Peace. Warmth. You gave me a colourful park in this grey world. And I will be forever grateful for that."

Seconds came by without a reaction. Then Boris wrapped his arms around Valery, hugging him tightly, as if he was trying to turn them into one. Holding on with such dedication and despair.

Their story was underlined with pain, but they were more and more successful at making the best of it. 

An unsaid "I love you" filled the air with a hopeful aura, a premise of a better tomorrow. A maybe that became a yes as long as neither of them let go.

An act of rebellion in a world built on strict rules.

A dreamy happyend, that was never going to come true. 

**Author's Note:**

> is this existentialism tho? heard its existentialism only if its in france, otherwise its just spiky anxiety  
> the more i write about people being close the lonelier i get *finger guns*
> 
> consider leaving some feedback if you enjoyed this, it def helps me write more! thank you lots


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